Be the Squirrel: Take 2
Resilience in a Time of Chaos: Reposting to honor the bravery, persistence, & healing of survivors.
I have always loved words. I love to read them and sometimes to write them.
Words are powerful.
I love words so much that I have been known to occasionally make up my own. I say these word creations so casually that sometimes people—just for a split second- –think that these words exist beyond my little world. In truth, I come from a long line of word inventors, so I feel that it is my duty to continue the family legacy.
I believe that words matter. Tone of voice, body language, context and your relationship with the person that you are communicating with matters too. But the words themselves can help heal or wound as they can convey compassion and understanding or signal indifference—or anything in between.
My love of words started early. As far back as I can remember, when school was out for the summer, I spent much of my free time reading whatever books I could borrow from the local library. These books were my constant teachers as they introduced me to people, worlds, ideas, and, of course, words that I otherwise would not know existed.
It is no accident that words are an essential part of my professional craft. How and what I say (or don’t say) to clients is a core component of my approach to conducting psychotherapy. These spoken words, paired with an authentically compassionate presence, can set the stage for healing. Words can convey a deep understanding if paired with active listening, empathy, connection, and care. Reframing an experience or offering a new perspective—when delivered at the right time in a kind manner–may provide a person with an opportunity to see their past experiences, and themselves, in a new light. Simply being a compassionate witness to the telling of a life story can mark the first time that someone else believes that their experience matters, and that what they had to survive was not their fault.
Words can affirm. Words can connect. Words can touch your heart in a very powerful way.
Of course, there is no doubt that words can do incredible damage as well. But that is a topic for another time.
So what is my favorite word modification for today?
Resilient used as a verb such as resiliencing. I would use this in place of resile, which is a real word but rarely used. In fact, I had not heard of resile until today. Resiliencing would be defined or described as: An active, ongoing process involving persistent yet often intermittent and incremental internal or external effort in the face of challenges and emotional strife. Fueled by courage, it may naturally ebb and flow and is often accompanied by anxiety, fear, anger, and a host of other feelings. While “messy” and frequently overlooked or mistaken for something else, it is most present (and impressive) during the struggle phase of moving forward, which is a natural and often necessary part of healing. Additionally, each person follows their own healing path and progresses at their own pace.
Resiliencing: An active, ongoing process involving persistent yet often intermittent and incremental internal or external effort in the face of challenges and emotional strife.
I have seen this process countless times in my 30+ years of working with survivors of sexual violence—who I might add—are some of the most courageous, compassionate, amazing people that I know. Here are a few examples of resiliencing:
Showing up in a counseling office and “doing the work”, week by week, even when it is tremendously difficult and painful.
Being vulnerable and taking emotional risks with select others despite a past history of betrayal and hurt.
Intentionally changing behavioral patterns to address current emotional needs. While previous coping strategies may have been instrumental in helping someone survive abuse, these same strategies can outlive their utility when one’s life circumstances change.
Holding on to hope that things can get better and working to make it so.
Having patience with oneself and persisting despite challenges.
Learning to trust yourself.
Learning to trust those people who have earned your trust through their actions over time. This is a huge task when one’s trust has been violated in the past by those who were supposed to protect or love you.
I could go on, but you get the idea.
I have also witnessed resiliencing repeatedly during the last 20 years as part of my work for The Safety Team. In fact, each team member is actively engaged in this process as we persist in our mission to prevent violence and heal trauma despite the many obstacles, socio-cultural challenges, and tremendous, ongoing need.
Furthermore, the women who come to our violence prevention workshops or our specialized mind-body trauma recovery programs are absolutely resiliencing. They sign up-sometimes with friends or family-and then show up knowing that the topic to be discussed is heavy, relevant, and possibly activating for them. I am constantly awed by their bravery and strong spirits.
Perhaps collectively, given all that is and has been going on in the world, we are all resiliencing.
Yet, I remain hopeful.
In the words of Helen Keller: “Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.”
Best wishes for a year full of peace, love, and resiliencing.
As for me, I remain unsilenced—-for good. I welcome you to join me; comment, share art, photos, thoughts, feelings—whatever will help in this turbulent time.
I can attest that squirrels are very good at breaking into the most secure bird feeders...
This is a powerful piece. I love "resiliencing" as a verb! What a great choice to describe what needs to happen to move beyond the violence.
I, too, create words when needed like a recent chapter involving Peter Rabbit who periscoped between the cabbages.
You are my 233rd bedtime story in this story circle. Thx for sharing!